Why Are You Really Crying?

Author: Yzela Palma

It’s easy to label a student as disruptive and then never give it thought again. The right thing to do is ask the student, “Why are you really upset?” Most of the time I received answers that are different from what the class activity is. Answers like “I didn’t get to eat breakfast this morning,” or “I had a lot of candy for breakfast.”

One day with our fourth grade class, a student was having a particularly rough day. She was talking back to the music teacher and yelling at her classmates. The music teacher asked her to sit in the back of the classroom so that she would continue with the lesson. She then proceeded to sit and hide behind a large trashcan. She was crying but then it turned into a quiet sob. I could tell that it did not have to do with what had just happened.

I went and sat with her on the floor behind the trashcan. We sat there in silence for a moment until I asked, “Why are you really upset?” She then told me about how her grandmother had just passed away and she missed her. This hit me really hard because the day before was the one-year anniversary of my grandmother’s death. My grandmother lived with us growing up and I was so close to her. I used to talk to her almost every day on the phone, and constantly write letters back and forth. In that moment all I could think about was telling the student that it was okay to cry. I shared with her that I had just been crying the night before because I was really missing my grandma.

This interaction has given me more confidence to ask the students why they’re really upset when they’re not having a good day. Most of the students open up easily; others take a bit of time, but a bond is always formed. You can tell they just wanted someone to listen to them and hear their side even though sometimes they don’t know how to explain it.